trunkmuffins turned 2 today! OH GOD

trunkmuffins turned 2 today! OH GOD

LEAK! Doctor Who 50th Anniversary Special - the first five minutes!

Friends, have I got something exciting to share with you all — I’ve come across the script for the first five minutes of the Doctor Who 50th Anniversary Special. Read on, but beware — Spoilers, sweetie!

——-

EXT. DAY - LONDON, AUTUMN 2013

CLARA and THE DOCTOR are in an alleyway, facing off with a DALEK.

DALEK: EX-TER-MIN-ATE!

CLARA: You can’t kill me. I’m the Impossible Girl. Plus, I’m adorable, and besides, it’s not the end of the episode yet.

The DALEK begins tottering side to side and emitting black smoke.

DALEK: DALEKS-HAVE-NO-CONCEPT-OF-‘ADORABLE!’

CLARA: Bother. Maybe you’d like it if I crocheted you a sweater? I saw the most darling pattern on Pinterest—

The DALEK explodes.

CLARA: About time.

THE DOCTOR: I’ll say! Let’s go somewhere in the TARDIS now!

CLARA and THE DOCTOR enter the TARDIS. CLARA surreptitiously bumps her hip against the TARDIS’ console while THE DOCTOR is busy jabbing at buttons, pulling levers, and exclaiming madly. [Editor’s note - have Matt ad lib, since it honestly doesn’t matter what kind of nonsense comes out of his mouth.]

TARDIS: VWORP VWORP

EXT. NIGHT. LONDON, ????

CLARA and THE DOCTOR emerge from the TARDIS to a barren hellscape of rubble and lava flow. The stars glare coldly overhead with no atmosphere to soften their light.

THE DOCTOR: What’s all this, then?

CLARA: Doctor, it’s time I reveal my true identity to you. I’m the Ghost of Christmas Future, and I’m here to show you what the Earth becomes because… you never arrived.

THE DOCTOR: (frowning) You’re the what of what now? But, wait… this isn’t the Christmas episode.

CLARA: The Shadow Proclamation is totes rubbish with cultural idioms. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. This is what matters.

CLARA gestures to the emptiness surrounding them. THE DOCTOR takes it all in.

THE DOCTOR: A bit lacking inĀ ambiance, isn’t it?

CUT TO - EXT. DAY. BAD WOLF BAY, 2010(?)

THE DOUBLE OF THE DOCTOR’S TENTH INCARNATION and ROSE TYLER sit on the beach, holding hands and gazing at the waves.

ROSE: I never dreamed I’d be so happy.

THE DOCTOR: Brilliant, isn’t it? And we’re soon to be a family. I love you, Rose Tyler.

THE DOCTOR begins fading in and out of view like a weak TV signal.

ROSE: Doctor! What’s happening?

THE DOCTOR: I’m — it’s a temporal flux — I’m fading from existence! Rose—

With a popping sound, THE DOCTOR disappears.

ROSE: Doctor! No!

CUT TO - INT. NIGHT. LONDON, 2005

ROSE TYLER stands alone in a warehouse.

ROSE: Where — what — AAAAA!

ROSE screams as AUTONS break down the door and murder her.

—CUT TO COMMERCIAL—

(found image)

(found image)

THE PASSION OF MITT

THE PASSION OF MITT

MITT ROMNEY’S DREAM JOB

MITT ROMNEY’S DREAM JOB

2 LEGIT 2 QUIT

2 LEGIT 2 QUIT